***QUESTION FROM A READER:
“How can I NOT be suspicious and jealous of my new husband when I was cheated on by past relationships?”
>>>Suggestion:
If you’ve been cheated on before–either by your current partner or by someone in a past relationship and jealousy is an issue for you…
Then we highly suggest that you click this link http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com/CheatedOn to find out about how you can listen in on a special one-time only special web audio cast and teleseminar.
“What to do about your jealousy if you’ve been cheated on before” http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com/CheatedOn
>>>OUR COMMENTS:
To the person who wonders…
“How can they NOT be suspicious and jealous of their partner when they were cheated on in the past…?”
That’s the bad thing about jealousy–
If you’ve been cheated on in the past, it usually just follows you from relationship to relationship until you do something about it.
So we’re not surprised that you’re finding that you are suspicious and jealous in your new relationship.
You think that it will be different in a new relationship–and it can be for awhile–but then your old fears start coming up again.
You end up saying and doing things that start sabotaging your new relationship–like asking incessant questions about where they’ve been and who they’ve been talking to.
There’s a running dialogue in your mind that says you’ve been cheated on before and you have to stay vigilant and control your partner or it will happen again. You find yourself pulling away from your new partner when what you really want is to get closer.
But the opposite happens…
Your suspicions hold you back from feeling the closeness, connection and love that you really want.
So how do you get rid of that feeling that since it happened to you in the past, you will be cheated on again if you aren’t hyper-vigilant?
Whether it happened in past relationships or in your current relationship–being cheated on can be really difficult to move past.
Being cheated on can certainly be a self-esteem killer and you can feel really embarrassed that it happened to you.
After being cheated on, the underlying message to yourself seems to pretty simple–“there’s something wrong with me.”
No matter what the circumstances were, there’s the feeling that “If I had been enough, (pretty enough, rich enough, thin enough) this wouldn’t have happened” or some similar thought.
Here are some ways that you can begin to let the past go so you can build or rebuild your new relationship in healthier ways…
1. Start working on building your self-confidence if it’s been damaged by being cheated on.
Self-confidence is a feeling of certainty inside you about who you are–that you are worthwhile and valuable.
All of us take hits to our self-confidence from time to time–feel less than certain about our lives–and being cheated on can certainly be one of those ways we get hit.
If this is true in your life, ask yourself this question…
“What can I do to start feeling better about myself?”
It might be you start something new in your life–or it might be that you join a group online that focuses on building self-esteem.
When you’ve been cheated on, it’s very tempting to find people who will reinforce the victim feeling–but that will only keep you stuck and feeling sorry for yourself.
So we’re challenging you to find some ways to start feeling BETTER about yourself.
2. Begin a forgiveness process–assuming that your current partner is not currently the cheating culprit.
The truth about forgiveness is that it’s really for you–and not for the other person.
One woman wrote this to us…
“I have spent many years wanting my jealousy problem to go away…..instead I was getting deeper and deeper into jealousy bondage. About six years ago I found that poor health was the price I was paying for running from rather than facing and dealing with negative emotions.”
She said that our “No More Jealousy” program helped her to heal her jealousy issues and part of that was going through a forgiveness process of what happened in the past.
She had to come to a deeper understanding about the other person–and then she could begin to let what happened in the past go.
Is forgiveness easy?
Usually not if you’ve been hanging onto past hurts–even subconsciously.
But it is one of those steps you just have to take if you want to heal yourself.
Can you forgive too quickly and then you’re open for it just happening again?
Let’s get this straight…
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you hang up your reasoning powers and become a doormat.
And it shouldn’t happen automatically if someone says he or she’s sorry over and over again.
But with that being said, it is possible to forgive, be compassionate and still draw a line for yourself that actually increases your self-confidence.
3. Start looking toward what you want.
Susie remembers the moments several months after her ex husband left their relationship–when it suddenly dawned on her that she could look toward what SHE wanted instead of what it was that had ended (and how it ended.)
What a concept!
We realize that it’s simple to say but not always easy to do but…
It’s your life we’re talking about here and your level of happiness.
Take a moment now and look toward your future and what you want.
We invite you to take one step forward toward creating that future.
Something else we suggest is to pick up copies of our courses “No More Jealousy” and “Relationship Trust Turnaround” …
These are two of the best resources available anywhere for STOPPING JEALOUSY or REBUILDING TRUST in a relationship or marriage.
Remember that changes happen one moment at a time so don’t get discouraged.
It takes courage to make changes in your life and if you’re in this kind of situation–maybe you’ve had it over and over in your life–it can be a real challenge to make lasting changes.
But just remember if you do nothing, nothing will change.
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Get our free 7 Jealousy-Stopping Secrets here: http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com
