What we’ve noticed about restarting the spark–and we do it each time the two of us disconnect from each other–is something pretty interesting and it may actually be counter-intuitive to your inner beliefs.
The harder you think and believe you have to work to have what you want and the more serious or “heavy” it becomes, the less likely it will happen. The tighter you hold yourself inside and the more tension you feel, you miss the opportunities to open to each other and what’s there for you to claim.
Does that mean that you sit and do nothing, waiting for the spark to come.
No, that’s not what we’re saying.
We’re saying that one of the keys to restarting the spark between you and your partner and in your life, is when you (and hopefully your partner) lighten up and allow some inner ease in your life and relationships.
Here’s an example of something we did last night where the two of us did some “lightening up.”
It’s a good example of where we allowed the magic of the moment to not rush by without using it to help us keep the spark alive and growing between the two of us.
Here briefly is what happened…
The two of us were at the gym working out and you guessed it–we were there as part of a renewed goal to be healthier and more fit this year.
The two of us were in different parts of the facility, until Otto came over to Susie to whisper in her ear. He told her that he noticed how attractive she was and he was sure that other people noticed as well.
We had a few moments of flirting with each other and then we went back to our work outs. Our renewed goal of being healthier and more fit could be considered “hard work” and serious–or we could make it fun and a way to deepen our connection.
We both felt a bit lighter after that moment in the gym–and more deeply connected.
And it was something we did to create a an intimate, special and even sexy moment between us when there were lots of people all around us.
Let us explain a little more about what it might mean to you in practical terms to “lighten up”…
**It can mean stopping yourself if you have a tendency to try to control or fix others. You can ask yourself “Is this any of my business?”
**It can mean simply telling yourself “I love you” if you feel criticized. That “I love you” can help you feel easier about yourself so you don’t respond from defensiveness but rather from a desire to understand what the other person is really saying.
**It can mean re-evaluating your “shoulds” that cause you inner tension when you do them.
**It can mean joyfully acting more from what you value in your life and what’s important to you.
**It can mean stopping yourself from being so focused on getting a job done that you ignore your loved one. While we know the value of focus, we also know the value of connection.
**It can mean asking for help and not expecting the other person to be a mind reader.
**It can mean receiving without guilt or any other hang-up you might have about it.
**It can also mean doing something completely silly or loving to lighten up the energy. (You have to be careful about this one to make sure that the other person doesn’t feel like his or her ideas or words are minimized.)
We could go on and on and we hope that these examples have sparked some ideas of your own along these lines.
So this week, we invite you to look at how you can lighten up in your life and connect
more–either with yourself or your loved ones.
Take this opportunity to restart the spark in your life and relationships and see how marvelous this year can really be.
For more info about getting closer in your marriage, visit http://www.RestarttheSpark.com
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