Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year–right? How many times do your expectations fall short and you end up feeling worse after the holiday is over?
Here are 5 ideas to help you get past flowers and candy to create the relationship you’ve always wanted not only on Valentine’s Day but every day throughout the year…
Idea #1 Acknowledge Your Commitment to Each Other
If there’s one thing we’ve heard over and over from people whose relationships are ending is that they took each other for granted. They did not re-affirm and re-commit their love to each other on a regular basis.
For a relationship to not only last but remain juicy over the long haul, you have to keep affirming your love in new ways to each other.
Today, try something new like leaving a love note in your partner’s brief case or sock drawer. Use the element of surprise to say how much you care and that you commit to this relationship today.
Idea #2 Spend Time Together
If there’s one thing that can kill a relationship, it’s not spending enough time together.
Many people tell us that they have lost their relationship because they’ve put everything else before their partner. They simply stopped feeling important to each other and their relationship died.
Fights and disagreements come up over other topics–but at the true heart of the problem is often that lack of time and attention to the relationship. So spice up your romance by spending quality time and attention with each other–and do it this week.
Idea #3 Stop the Repeat Arguments
If you find that you’re having the same or similar argument over and over–stop and take a look at what’s going on. Take a bird’s eye view and look at the dynamic between the two of you. Look at what needs to be healed.
In our “Stop Talking On Eggshells” program, we help you identify communication patterns that hold you back from saying what you need to say or saying it in such a way that your partner is angry with you.
Many times, repeat fights are created by communication patterns that you each have that can’t help but trigger each other. For example–one person gets sarcastic and blaming when triggered or threatened and the other person withdraws and clams up.
Identifying what you do and then changing that dynamic can stop the repeat fights.
Idea #4 Honor Your Partner, even when he or she isn’t present
Be very careful how you talk about your partner when he or she isn’t in the room (or even if he or she is). If you have a tendency to complain about your partner to others, stop and consider what this does. It keeps you focused on what irritates and annoys you–not on what you want.
And believe it or not, it keep arguments going–the age-old “I’m right and you’re wrong” argument. We know that sometimes it’s helpful to talk to a friend to get some clarity about a situation but be very careful how you do it.
Our policy is to talk to each other first before we say anything about a situation to someone else. This is honoring at its highest and builds trust–as well as provides the climate for more romance to happen.
Idea #5 Find Common Goals and Desires
When you have something greater that holds you together, you can step back and look at what separates you in a different way.
You can put it all in perspective.
You can recognize when you are just reacting from what’s happened in your past rather than what’s actually happening right now. When the distance between the two of you seems big, go back to the common ground that you both stand for–and start there to rebuild your connection.
If you do nothing more this Valentine’s day, do something that will bring you closer rather than push you further from each other.
Do something that will enhance your romance throughout the year.