Have you ever put your foot in your mouth?
No–not literally…
We mean, have you ever said or done something that you would rather take back as soon as it came out–but since there’s no instant rewind button, you couldn’t?
Have you ever tried to make some changes for the better in yourself and in your relationship but you keep falling back into your old ways?
Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions–you’re not alone!
You might go along and everything’s fine but add a small (or a hugely) stressful situation and wham–you’re back saying and doing the things you absolutely know will push your partner or other people in your life away.
For Susie, this can amount to not getting enough sleep. Sometimes when this happens, it’s just like some strange entity takes her over and she’s not really aware of what’s coming out of her mouth–until it’s too late!
She seems to go unconscious and certainly is not in the present moment.
As we were working on creating our “Magic Relationship Words” book and audio program that we just released and is available here, we kept coming back to the fact that in order to make changes for the better in our lives, the words we use do make a huge difference.
Let’s say your partner says something that seems critical about what you’ve done or not done.
What happens?
You feel hurt and then immediately start defending yourself–or whatever your pattern might be.
In order to break your pattern that always leads to arguments and distance, you breathe and remember to ask the Magic phrase that’s in our “Magic Relationship Words” program–“Tell me more about that–help me to understand why you say that”–and then listen instead of defend.
How important this can be to creating more love in your relationships!
It doesn’t mean you agree–it just means that you are trying to understand him or her and keep a sense of openness between that two of you.
But what about those times you go unconscious and “forget” about the changes you want to make and the new tools you’ve learned?
What do you do then when you’re on auto-pilot because of stress, lack of sleep, physical pain or any other reason you can attach to it–and auto-pilot takes you into the past and your old ways?
Here’s a little secret we’ve learned that wise people and sages have always known and taught…
Practice staying present–no matter where you are or what you’re doing.
We’re guessing you’re probably saying that there’s nothing new here but there really is and here’s why…
One of the principles Wayne Dyer talks about in his new book Excuses Begone! is “Now.”
He says,”The real question isn’t how to live in the now, it’s how to use the now by being present–rather than wasting it on reflections of the past or concerns about the future.”
Being present is a way to change a thinking pattern which is a “default” pattern you go to when you go unconscious because of whatever is happening in your life.
“Now” is a way to shift those unconscious patterns from the past so that you are able to create new, healthier ones.
So how do you practice “now” in your life to change those past patterns?
Sounds easy but saying it and doing it are two different things!
One way we use it is to simply notice when the mind takes us away from what’s happening in the present moment.
When we were on a short vacation recently, Susie practiced this when she was playing in the ocean.
Whenever she caught herself thinking about something other than the beautiful blue water, sea gulls flying by or the sensations in her body while she was swimming and floating, she brought herself back to the present by just saying
the word “now.”
This time at the beach was too delicious and precious for her to waste on not being present in every moment.
And isn’t that the way every moment of our lives should be!
By practicing bringing yourself back into “now,” you are creating a new pattern–and you’ll be able to access this new pattern more often, even in times of stress if you practice it when you aren’t stressed.
Your “unconscious” times will get fewer and fewer and your relationships will be more filled with love more of the time.
Should you never think of the past or the future?
Of course there are times to plan for a future event, savor a past moment or consider what you could have done better or differently in the past but…
Every moment you spend there, you are not enjoying what’s here right now and making the most of it.
So this week, we invite you to practice “now” and see what happens.
It just might open you up to seeing and feeling more love in your life.
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Enjoying a Happier, Easier Relationship