How to Deal with Your Jealous and Spying Partner

“Been married for a year and a half now but my wife keeps spying on my Facebook page almost everyday. There is a pass code on my phone she does not know, but last time she was able to read my massages and came questioning me.”Even though I have got nothing to hide from her and am also NOT CHEATING on her, I got very upset because I feel like that’s evasion of my privacy.”“She said to me, she has no problem with me reading her messages or going through her phone which I don’t do. I don’t even answer her phone when she is not there even if there call is from her Mum or Dad because growing up, I was taught to respect peoples’ privacy.”I have been considering closing my account but also been thinking how she is going to react even though I have had my Facebook account for 5 years before meeting her.”“Anyway I feel very uneasy about that kind of behavior because I feel like my integrity is being questioned. Please help and why do you think she does that?”

This is a relationship challenge facing one of our readers and here’s our answer:

It’s never a good feeling to have someone spying on you and it even feels worse when it’s your partner who’s doing it–and you’re not doing anything wrong. Even though you don’t use the words unwarranted jealousy, your wife may be getting caught in a habit that is set off by jealous feelings.

With that being said, here’s the way we see it…

It seems that the two of you have two different rules and beliefs around privacy. You grew up in a family where privacy was respected; she grew up where people were open books and the belief was that if you wanted privacy, you had something to hide.

You can talk to her about these differences but it may not make a difference in her behavior because of her beliefs.

But we’re guessing that the reasons behind her actions go even deeper than that. Underneath, there may be some hunger that she isn’t getting satisfied and she’s focusing on this issue instead of what the real issue for her.

Here are a few things you can do…

So start noticing if she wants more of your attention or more time with you.
Instead of focusing on the privacy issue (and what she’s doing to you), focus on what the two of you have together and look at what you each want.
Look at how you want to be together. If she still doesn’t listen to you and won’t look at her part in this, then you have some decisions to make.

But first give these suggestions a try and look at your relationship as a whole–seeing what you each want and how you want to be together.