Okay, you caught us…We know that there are a lot of things you can do to keep your love alive throughout the years.But if we’re really put on the spot and have to come up with the biggest secret for couples who want to stay in love… here’s what it would be…
**Create the kind of relationship you want without buying into any of the relationship myths that are commonly-held beliefs in our culture.**
Here’s what we mean…
We all hear them—beliefs that hold people back from creating what they want.
The two of us not only hear them from others but we’ve heard them come out of our own mouths.
These are beliefs that limit what’s possible.
The truth is–if you don’t believe something is possible, it probably isn’t.
Take for instance a limiting myth that Susie once believed…
In the first few months after her divorce from her first husband, she believed in the myth that women after 50 had a slim to none chance of finding love again.
In fact, this myth goes so far as to say that women over 50 are ready to dry up and blow away in many ways–and that it’s all over except playing with your grand kids.
BTW– this belief could just as easily be about age 25, 30 or 40 as well and the truth for Susie way back then was…
While she loved playing with her grand kids, Susie wanted to find passionate love again but didn’t know it was possible–especially with a younger man.
Well, guess what?
As you know from reading this newsletter, Susie DID find love again (and with a younger man–Otto.)
We got together when Susie was 51 and Otto was 35 and now, we’re in year 13 of being together.
Our love, passion and connection is stronger and more alive than when we first got together (and it was pretty strong back then.)
We’ve defied the myths and we know that finding and keeping love alive and passionate is possible at any age.
But the myth that love and passion dry up and die after a certain age is not the only one we exploded.
Here are a few other myths that can keep you from staying in love…
1. “He’s my husband (she’s my wife). I can talk to him (her) that way.”
One of the chief causes of falling out of love with a partner is consistently not feeling respected and honored for who you are.
A way this shows up is taking your partner forgranted over the years and putting everything else before your relationship.
When we observe couples who have stayed in love throughout the years, what becomes apparent is the way they treat each other.
They don’t park courtesy and kindness at the door when they come home.
They remember (most of the time) not to take their tiredness and irritation from the day out on the people they love most.
They don’t talk in derogatory ways to their partner–ways that they never would to their best friends or even casual acquaintances.
They remember that just because they share their lives together, they have no right to demean or belittle each other.
2. All men (all women) cheat.
Like you, we’ve seen the statistics and have been inundated by the reports of all the celebrity cheating scandals.
We certainly know that people cheat for a variety of reasons–most of them they might not even be aware of.
If you’ve been cheated on once ( twice or more), it’s hard to not think that it will probably happen again–and that finding a partner who will be faithful to you is pretty impossible.
We’re not going into how to “cheat-proof” your relationship right now but we will say this…
ALL men and ALL women don’t cheat.
The couples who don’t cheat have very clear agreements about what they will and won’t do, communicate and are honest even when it’s tough, have learned how to keep the spark alive between them, and they’ve learned how to resolve conflicts without carrying resentments that can tear them apart.
3. A little bit of jealousy can’t hurt and is good for your relationship
While the feeling of jealousy is natural when you sense that your man or woman might be taken away from you–it’s not a tool to be used to keep the two of you in love.
Some women, especially, start flirting with someone other than their partners when they want to bring some spice back into their relationship.
While this may get them some attention, it’s certainly not the kind of attention they REALLY want.
And creating jealousy in someone else usually backfires.
While in some cases it may briefly stoke the fires, it creates mistrust and separation which can possibly lead to violence.
This is certainly a myth to bust if you have been believing it!
4. Most people think… It’s normal and inevitable that passion fades over time.
We know from personal experience–and from knowing couples who have been together a lot longer than we’ve been together–that passion doesn’t have to fade over time.
In fact, it can get better.
You read right.
It can get better as the years go by.
It takes attention, stoking the fires (in a healthy way) learning how to communicate and taking steps to consciously grow together.
Above all, it takes a strong desire to keep your relationship passionate.
So there you have it.
There are many more relationship myths that we could bust about staying in love but maybe you’ll be made aware of something that keeps you from having more love in your life by something we’ve said here.
Our wish for you is simple.
We wish you all the love, passion and connection that you want in the coming year, starting right now.
Enjoying a Happier, Easier Relationship