What do you do when you are having trouble in your relationship, you want it to be closer and more connected–and you just can’t seem to figure out what’s going on and what’s wrong?
One thing we know for sure is that one of the true keys to a great relationship is asking the “right” questions of yourself and others to create the love and relationships that you really want.We’ve suggested before to you that there’s almost always an internal conversation that is going on inside of you ALL the time.
Part of this internal conversation are questions that you are asking yourself and believe it or not, your answers to those questions are guiding your life.
Those answers signal your brain about how to respond, what to do, what decisions to make and how to move forward next.
Sometimes this is good and is helping you create what you want and sometimes these answers move you away from what you really want.
Often we’re not even aware of the challenges our questions are creating for us in our lives.
Here’s the kind of question that we receive that explains what we mean…
“My husband and I just can’t seem to communicate at times and we fight all of the time. I have tried everything but it seems that I am always giving in after a fight. My question to you is, why are relationships so easy to fall apart but hard to glue the pieces back together…why?”
First of all, we really appreciate this person for having the courage to take a look inside herself and the relationship to try to heal what’s going on. This isn’t always easy to do.
So what’s the question that she’s asking?
“Why are relationships so easy to fall apart but hard to glue pieces back together…why?
As we think about her question and her struggle to find the answer to what she thinks is her most pressing relationship question, we think that her question is fundamentally flawed if she wants to create a closer and more loving connection.
It’s flawed because even if she comes up with an answer to this question, it still isn’t going to solve her relationship issues.
She should be asking herself a more empowering question that will actually help her create the love and relationship that she really wants with her husband.
An example of a more empowering question might be this…
“What can I do on my part to help my husband and me stop bumping heads all the time and create a more understanding and loving space where the two of us can nurture and grow our love and relationship?”
Do you see the difference between the question this woman asked and our question?
Her question is full of exasperation and is keeping her stuck in a relationship situation that is painful for her. Our question might help her to come up with answers that might open a door for her and her husband to connect.
So, how do you apply this lesson in your relationships and life?
Here are a couple of suggestions:
1) Notice the internal conversation that is going on within you.
2) Notice whether is it negative or positive in nature.
3) Notice whether it is just an internal running dialog or if it is appearing in your head in the form of questions.
4) Whether it is appearing as a running dialog or in the form of questions– question and examine these thoughts.
Ask yourself are these thoughts serving me in positive or negative ways?
In other words, are they moving you toward what you want or further from what you want for your relationships and life?
and finally…
5) If you’re finding when you check in with yourself that your internal conversation is negative simply change it.
Ask yourself a new set of questions that will take you to what you want instead of away from it.
By the way, this not only works in your relationships but in all areas of your life.
Try this. We think it will help you make some shifts in your relationships and in other areas of your life that will really help you.